A note to all my bitches

Okay, okay...I know I promised that I would update this more often but as a wise friend pointed out to me...blogs are easy when you are boring and don't have friends because then you have lots of free time on your hands, like my friend Doug Johnson.  (Just kidding, Doug.  Sort of) 

But to be honest I have been actually crazy busy.  I traveled some at the beginning of the month, to Amsterdam and Madrid.  Both were great trips and I still intend to post about each trip separately.  I do have notes and pictures so I can still put together a decent story, but for now I will just update a bit on the happenings of this week. 

At the beginning of the month I started a new job where I became a traveling road show for America.  Basically, I go around and talk to kids in the German equivalent of high school about what it's like to grow up in the US.  It's sort of awesome.  1. because I like to talk, especially about things like America and 2. because every class is different and interesting and since I get bored so quickly, it keeps me engaged...  Of course my favorite part of the presentation is talking about Stereotypes.  I have two great slides that I show of maps.  Many of you have probably seen these before, but I still love them. 

The first illustrates American's view of Europe:

The second American's view of the World. 

Oh and good news...while uploading these two pictures, I just realized there is now a direct uplink for Mobile uploads.  Perhaps I can finally start posting pictures of all the absurd things I see on a day to day basis.  I have often contemplated a section just on hairstyles of Berlin...they are atrocious.

In other news, the U-Bahn (subway) here has been chuck full of crazy people lately and they ALWAYS seem to stand right next to me.  Yesterday though, I have to say finally the crazy guy wasn't scary...in fact he was sort of hilarious.  At every stop he would get out and then try to recruit people to get in his car because he said he was giving a performance.  Then right as the doors were closing he would pull out a little container of bubbles and blow bubbles.  It was particularly funny when he blew the bubbles in a German cop's face.  However also in the car was this raving lunatic Turkish guy standing inches from me who would scream out in some unknown language...something between Italian, German and drunk about total nonsense.  He was not my favorite...

In other news, I will be making my grand re-debut out in the Berlin party scene on Saturday night with my friends Marcus and Willem. I haven't been out since I had visitors from France back in mid January!  I have been an asocial, boring Betty lately, but I am starting to get optimistic about the days getting longer and the weather getting better.  GOD please let spring come early this year.  I'm jealous of all your punks in DC enjoying 70 degree weather already.  I think today it reached 50.  Not complaining, but still...it rained in the morning and snowed on Tuesday. 

Finally, a note to all you who harass me about not blogging enough.  It's clear that you miss me terribly, so stop being lazy, or cheap and book a damn ticket already!  May is the best month in Berlin and so far I have no visitors booked.  Pick your weekend!

Much to say about nothing...

Okay really this is just going to be a quick rant to keep myself in the habit of blogging from time to time.  First I want to complain for a second because I had a shitty day for NO reason at all.  The sun even was out all day and in Berlin in January...I mean that's a small miracle in itself...but yea, I guess it was having to go to work, which has been aggravating me lately, to say the least.  Let's just say I'm really looking forward to school starting again so that I can exercise my noggin'.

Secondly, I got to the gym today and it was unbelievably full...didn't pay much mind to the crowd in the gym until I got to the locker room where there was a QUEUE for the effing lockers.  Honestly I wanted to punch someone, but I did my best to behave and now I'm at home after a shitty workout and leftovers writing about it.

Okay, I feel better now.  On the flip side, I should be in a good mood.  I have LOTS of guests here this week and I'm really looking forward to that.  I've been super well-behaved and have not been out since New Years day, so I think it's time to cut lost a little this weekend.  The problem is...and this is also adding to my frustration....It's Berlin Fashion Week (which is sort of a joke in itself) except that my incredibly talented dear friend Willem was honored today for Humanity in Fashion, in a really very well done show, as one of 3 finalists!  I'm very proud of him.  Check his stuff out here:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/WILLEM-GREMLIZA/271567979573796

He's a looker, too!  I think many of you have gawked over photos of him before.

Also, this weekend will be lots of fun because I"m determined with friends from Paris, London and Prague here, sure to be great.  Additionally I have a few exciting weekends coming up:

Jan 27-29:  Amsterdam with Uncle Bobby Neill
Feb 2-6:  Madrid to visit the gorgeous Daniela
Feb 9-12:  Cologne for Karnival

Okay well that's it for tonight, because I have to go do the most rewarding thing of my day...Floss (one of life's overlooked pleasures).

Cheers.

Brian

I'm Back, Bitches! And New Years KICKED ASS!

After nearly a year recess, I've decided to begin blogging again.  My hope, or intention, however you want to look at it, is that by blogging again, I will start enjoying more of the quirky nuances that make my life in Berlin so interesting.  That being said, the last 9 months or so since my last entry have been a total snore.  Okay that's not entirely true, but I just was feeling a little down trodden.  Additionally, I am hyper aware that the words I type to the world through my blog are most frequently read by the snarky washingtonians bob and doug and therefore I constantly picture them rolling there eyes as they read quietly in their heads.

Today was day 2 at my new job.  Really it was more like rehersal two, because my new job is to be the smiling, cheerful "face of America"  Literally...  I was hand selected out of thousands, actually millions of other American expatriates living in Berlin to go around to high schools across Germany to give a 1 hour presentation on what it's like growing up in the United States.  I talk about stereotypes, our habit of overindulgence, overeating, and conversely of our obsession with self-image, Abercrombie, Lady Gaga, and pornography.  It's truly a riveting presentation.  Unfortunately, I have had the opportunity to try it on actual high-schoolers yet, just the staff of the company I will be working for...but I'm quite confident.  The objective of the presentation is to spark interest in high-schoolers so that they will sell their souls to Americans as au Pairs.  The funny thing is, so often they get placed in po-dunk towns in the Mid-West of South and I can't help but the short-lived, but brilliant show.  The Simple Life starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.  Anyway, apparently Germans get all up and giddy about the idea of living in the US for a year...I just hate to break it to them that they have to convert to uberconservatism which includes no alcohol (Germans can drink at 16), no nudity, and as far as I'm concerned no fun...but I digress.  I'm sure it' s a wonderful cultural experience.

Well it's a New Year and i must say I rang mine in with a bang.  Good ole Roberto Munoz and his best friend Howie came to Berlin for New Year's and we had a grand ole time.  Just blogging again is sort of overwhelming but I do have some video footage of World War 3 that literally takes place on the streets of Berlin on New Year's Eve.  I'm really not kidding either..  It's 5 hours of crazy German shooting HUGE bottle rockets at their neighbor across the streets house.  This year apparently there 2100 calls to the fire department.  In a way it was spectacular, partly because I love fireworks, and partly because I had drunk so much champagne, but the REAL event was New Years Day.  I'm not sure if I've written much about the German party culture (mainly because my mom used to read this) but it's off the wall INSANE!  New Year's Day I awoke our Party around 10am (after 3 hours of sleep) so that we could be AT Berghain (the world's greatest club, pictured below) by noon.  Well I was successful....

BUT it's important to note that just getting to the line is only a small part of the battle.  Because Germans are just TOO weird to have time to be cool, therefore making "normal people" at a huge disadvantage of getting into their most sought after clubs.  Please see video below...
CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO
There were 4 of us, all guys waiting in queue (which at noon was about 30 minutes, yes at noon) anxiously awaiting our encounter with the door man...

Fast Forward 30 minutes and after nearly having a panic attack and watching person after person, group after group of quirky, weird people being rejected, we two are rejected...  WAH WAH...but that's not the end of the story, because I am not about to NOT get in anywhere when I have guests counting on me.  So after some smooth talking to another guy, we are allowed entry.  15 hours spread over 3 floors, countless beers and Jager shots, and new friend's from Spain, Italy, and Finland we decide we've had enough dancing for one day and call it New Year's Day for the history books.  For more gory details you can contact me offline.  However a few choice quotes from the day/evening/night!  "MAIN FLOOR!  WE'RE DANCING ON THE MAIN FLOOR!  BOX, GET ON THE BOX!"  "WE'RE DANCING IN A SEX CLUB!!!(bottom floor)"  "Let's go fuck with Howie and then run away."

NOTE:  Because it would take away from the cool factor, pictures are strictly prohibited.  Mirrors are also no where to be found in the entire club. 

Well so that's it for now.  Friendly encouragement is likely to keep me blogging so please proceed. Also, I really can't be bothered with updating every person I talk to on the same things over and over again.  This is a FAR better medium to mass distribute my awesomeness to all you back home.

How much do you miss me?

xoxo
Brian